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Sadistic & Masochistic Behaviors in Intimate Relationships

a pattern of involvement in intimate relationships where one is repeatedly emotionally abused and/or rejected. Bonime (1995) has viewed this proclivity as a sadomasochistic pattern, and offered an etiological framework for understanding the pattern.

Specifically, it is noted that the etiological roots of both full-blown sadomasochistic disorders and this pattern of repeated rejection in intimate relationships arises from low self-esteem and that develops in a childhood context of inadequate loving nurturance. Bonime (1995) further states that this low self-esteem is maintained by a competitive social milieu which results in personality traits and patterns which are diffusely competitive.

The competitive activity is often associated unawarely with cynicism...The gratification of victory substitutes for the gratifications of intimacy and growth, but is relatively brief, and although it produces some self acceptance, it is never enough to overcome the basic low feeling about oneself. (Bonime, 1995, p. 33)

An example of the intimate relationships of a woman named Marjorie is discussed by Bonime (1995) who states that this woman was extremely competitive in her relationships, cruel even. The result was that, after a while, she was often rejected. However, it was the suffering associated with rejection that she was, in a sense, pursuing as this allowed her to momentarily recapture a sense personal adequacy in that she could see herself as suffering while "taking it," a perspective that allowed her to also feel a sense of self-approval, however transitory it might be.

Marjorie almost always felt fear if truly intimate relationships became available to her because these required her to abandon her protective cynicism making her a target for the competitiveness of others. What Bonime (1995) states is crucial in understanding this etiology is that while her pattern of behavior brought her suffering and pain, it was not reall...

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Sadistic & Masochistic Behaviors in Intimate Relationships. (1969, December 31). In LotsofEssays.com. Retrieved 16:19, March 28, 2024, from https://www.lotsofessays.com/viewpaper/1690711.html