the counselor. The counselor must first determine if the couple's approach is working for them. If the approach is endorsed by both husband and wife, and neither appear open to changing it, the counselor must proceed with patience, using gentle suggestions for change that can be expanded on as the therapeutic relationship progresses (Friesen & Friesen, 1989, p. 8).
The foundation of a trusting therapeutic relationship is empathy. Empathy involves the counselor putting himself or herself in the client's place, trying to envision the depth of the client's emotional experiences. As important as empathy is in any counseling relationship, it is critical in marriage counseling, which is often characterized by a lack of empathetic communication between spouses.
In building trust, the therapist must avoid possessiveness. Counselors must show acceptance of their clients' efforts. Since the goal of therapy is to provide a supportive relationship that empowers clients to make healthy choices, the counselor must not show disappointment if the client makes choices that are difficult to affirm, particularly during the initial stages of therapy: "A caring person shows acceptance without creating expectations" (Friesen & Friesen, 1989, p. 9). As the therapeutic relationship strengthens, the counselor can gradually interject his or her personal position regarding the client's decisionmaking. If the counselor expresses strong personal opinions before trust is built, the client may take the advice as criticism, leading to hurt feelings and misinterpretation of intent.
In pastoral psychology, the counselor must possess a certain degree of confidence to exude trustworthiness. If the counselor feels inadequate, the client will be reluctant to open himself or herself to the therapeutic relationship. According to Wise (1983), the ideal counselor acknowledges the loving, healing, integrating forces within himself or herself and express...