This story is a good example of how relationships may change over time, especially as the pain of family problems, infidelity and divorce heals. I believe a family is a complex natural social system complete with its own properties and processes. As in any system, no part stands alone and no process operates without influencing every component of the system. Included in the following story, you will find a view of components of Bowen's Family Systems.
My Mother (Beverly) and Father (Edward) seemed happy during the first 7 years of their marriage. Father liked making major decisions and Mother felt comforted by his control. When I (Kim) was 11 years old, Mother conceived again but during the pregnancy she was nauseous, developed high blood pressure and gained over 50 pounds. As the pregnancy progressed, Mother talked incessantly to Father about her insecurities of becoming a mother again and not feeling health. At first, Father was patient and reassuring, but soon he began to criticize Mother for being childish and irritable. According to Bowen, this represents an unstable parent system (Bowen Center for the Study of the Family, 2004).
Mother's pregnancy placed more pressure on her marital relationship. Sometimes, Father was outwardly supportive of Mother but his negative comments made her feel more anxious and sad. Next, Father grew more emotional distance from Mother and started working long hours at work and coming home late at night. With this increased tension in the marriage, Mother started constantly telling me how Father made her feel unloved and unhappy. One day, she told me to keep a secret from my grandparents. Mother told me that she believed Father was having an affair with his secretary. In the meantime, Father continued to be more involved with his work and was hardly ever home. The sharing of this secret represents a triangle in the family. A triangle is "a three-person relationship system" (Bowen Ce...