INTERVENTION FOR A SOLVABLE "IN-LAW" PROBLEM
The following intervention was designed for a couple with an "in-law" problem. The couple was Hispanic and had been married for 20 years. They came to therapy due to a problem with the husband's mother who currently resided with the couple and their family. The couple's two teenage daughters also lived in the home. The wife reported feeling frustrated and angry because the mother in-law was living with them and the husband reported feeling frustrated and angry at his wife's "constant complaining" about the situation. Further conversation with the couple revealed that they each felt that it was appropriate that the mother live with them, but that it resulted in problems that they were having difficulty overcoming. The most prominent problem reported was that the wife felt criticized by the mother in-law and not supported by her husband. Since both were in agreement that the mother should stay, the problem proposed was viewed as solvable rather than gridlock.
1. As a precaution to avoid anger buildup and assist in the dissipation of hurt feelings, Step 1 will begin with an adaptation of Gottman's exercise "I Appreciate . . .". Each (husband and wife) will be given a list of items and asked to circle items which are characteristic of their partner. Three of the items will then be chosen and an incident will be listed to provide an illustration of this characteristic. Next the list will be shared with the partner. This exercise will result in a repairing of past hurts and a regaining of hope regarding the marriage and their ability to resolve problems.
2. The "Soften Your Startup" technique will be used next to discuss the problem and will be continued throughout the discussion of the solution technique and its findings.
For this technique, the goal is to soften the sentences used to present issues and avoid harsh statements that criticize and hurt others. The exercise...