The purpose of this paper is to discuss my biblical perspective of counseling couples. In this regard, the paper will distinguish between the christian/biblical perspective I hold to and secular or non-christian views of marital problems, assessment, techniques, and goals.
To my way of thinking, the non-Christian approach to marriage counseling is well summarized by Peterson and Nisenholz (1994) who state that most marriage counseling is seen as a problem-focused and brief endeavor in which the emphasis is placed upon patterns of communication, expectations each person has of the other, role perceptions, each individual's personality, and how the couple functions together as a working unit in dealing with problems and making decisions.
Peterson and Nisenholz's (1994) description of the essential focus of counseling, as seen from a secular perspective, implies that a marriage is a relationship between two people and that the goal is for the couple to deal with or work through their issues. This perspective, I feel, qualitatively differs from the Christian perspective which would hold that marriage is a relationship not among two but among three, namely the three way relationship of the couple and God.
In other words, marital problems are not about what you want and what I want, nor is the "cure" for us to just hear each other and work through our differences. It is about what God wants for us in light of how He defines the marital unit; it is about what God would have us do together, etc.
In his study of christian marriage counseling, Hendershott (1980), touches upon this point as well as upon the fact that unlike the couples seen in secular counseling, most couples coming to Christian counseling understand this notion of the three-way relationship and enter into the counseling relationship not merely to seek answers for their problems but to seek answers that are based on bible principles. In other words, the obj...