Reflection Paper
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Hendrix (1992) maintains that ôThe combination of love and marriage is a phenomenon of very recent historyùand itÆs a volatile mix,ö (19). I would use the phrase ôvolatile mixö to primarily explain the current relationships between my husband and me. In exploring the concepts and self-help process outlined by Hendrix (1992), I discovered my husband and I both have a great deal of work to do before becoming a ôwholeö self. The behavior that most characterizes our form of communication of late is avoidance and silence. I find myself not wanting to exert any expendable energy in communicating, because he talks over anything I might have to say while being verbally abusive. I use to expend more energy into trying to think of the right words to say to him or trying to placate him so he would remain in a good mood. Unfortunately, I learned over time that his moods and personality change with the wind. All of my efforts were in vain to improve our communication.I decided it was time to make a concerted effort to change my own communication and thinking habits. I became more involved in my sonÆs academic career and took on some community obligations. I also enrolled in school full time. At the time, I thought I was trying to regain a sense of dignity, but now realize I was searching to become whole and cure the wounds of childhood. I discovered from my study of Hendrix (1992) that my husbandÆs behavior of me was something I unconsciously manifested in
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nd verbally abusive. When this happens I notice that I retreat into my own world and the new life I have tried to make for myself.
Identity and competence are necessary to achieve real love (Hendrix 1992). However, my husbandÆs refusal to work on his development of a ôwholeö self and his refusal to move past the power struggle phase of our relationship keeps us from achieving real love and joy that wholeness brings. When my husband and I communicate, we are not able to demonstrate an evolving self that is more able to care for others. I desire eye contact which he never reciprocates. He has a difficult time looking anyone in the eye, which I belief stems from issues of low self-worth that he will not address. I try to keep my tone of voice low and empathetic, because I know if I raise my voice he shuts off and I only end up becoming stressed. Because of these and other issues, we seldom if ever communicate well, except when my husband desires something from me.
Another source of difficulty in our relationship is the number of addictions my husband exhibits. He is addicted to tobacco, eating, and seems to be quite unhappy. I think he was wounded in various stages of development and his resorting to addictions is his at
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Approximate Word count = 1639
Approximate Pages = 7 (250 words per page)
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