as, at some point she comes up against the school play that coincides with the annual sales conference, the stomach ache that happens to the child on the first day of an important business trip, and the like. These kinds of career-family conflicts are a fact of life for every working mother. But if the parent handles them sensibly and honestly, they will be much less troublesome to the parent and the child. There is no doubt that, whether out of conviction or necessity, most women find themselves being less overprotective and more encouraging of their children's independence once they start working (after separation or divorce.) This development is usually all to the good in a society where the trend has been to make full-time mothers their children's full-time servants--and children often grow up to be overly dependent young people, clinging to mothers who are reluctant to let go. Some women say that their working encourages the children to seek out other adults in their lives-to good effect (Jellinek, 1988), Learning to depend on neighbors, sitters, or other children's parents helps youngsters cope successfully with the world around them, not just with their own families. Independence, of course, is a relative matter. As some experts caution, children must be allowed to be dependent before they can learn to be independent. Mothers who have given their children a firm base of security--whether by staying home for the first years (as much as possible), by establishing a pattern of consistent, attentive care from other adults, or by making every effort to be available to their children on a regular basis--report that the move to increasing independence comes with very little difficulty.
Most people would agree that a child's growing independence is a positive element in his or her life. But what about the other side of the coin? Does a loosening of the apron strings lead to emotional problems? Will a son or daughter's need ...