h westerners and Japanese withdraw from intercultural romance. Emotional linkages between Japanese and western lovers may be important. However, it appears that such linkages can be harmed by limited communication skills. Literally, the Japanese and the non-Japanese find that they cannot communicate. Result: a failure of romance, a failure of marriage.
Language is meant to help communication. It is a tool of mutual help and support. The more serious a relationship is, the more important it is to communicate well. But when language problems are present, communication can be blocked instead of helped. Ma (1996b, p. 231) reports that western women who are most satisfied with their Japanese husbands say that their husbands are above average in many ways, especially in their English language fluency. In fact, most of these women communicate with their husbands in English. Only 10% communicate solely in Japanese. That is compared with the fact that more western husbands communicate with Japanese wives in Japanese.
The language issue is important because Ma also says that nonfluency of western wives in Japanese is "a major stumbling block to making a better adjustment to life in Japan" (Ma, 1996b, p. 234). In other words, language is a key to the whole culture. Limited language skill can be traumatic for western wives who are the ones coping with day-to-day social life--shopping, schools, doctors, and the typical bureaucracy. Ma also reports that one wife complained that her Japanese husband would not help her learn the language and would not want her to learn it better anyway (1996b, p. 237). Western wives and Japanese husbands may fail to anticipate language problems in part because most Japanese husbands first meet their western wives in the West. It is the other way around for Western men who meet Japanese wives in Japan. Japanese wives still cope with daily survival, but because they speak the language they are competent to deal wit...