Don't Say Yes When You Want to Say No
This paper will analyze the book, Don't Say Yes When You Want to Say No by authors Herbert Fensterheim, Ph.D, and Jean Baer. The discussion will focus on some of the important techniques used in assertiveness training.
Author Jean Baer begins the book by sharing how she spent 18 years in an unpleasant job because she did not think that any other employer would hire her. After meeting her husband and co-author, Herbert Fensterheim, a clinical psychologist who specializes in behavior therapy, Baer explains that, by using her husband's behavioral therapy techniques, she learned how to be successfully self-employed and is no longer defensive when her friends say things like "Anybody could write the books you write, you just sit down and do them, that's all" (13-16). Thus, the premise of the book is that assertiveness training ("AT") is one of the most important forms of behavioral therapy.
According to the book, before any Assertiveness Training Techniques can be used, a person must first be aware of the different types of assertive difficulties. One common assertive difficulty arises when someone cannot distinguish between assertiveness and aggression (37). Moreover, some of the people who have problems with assertiveness are those with timid personalities, communication difficulties, behavioral deficits, interfering habits, or specific mental blocks (37-41). Thus, the authors recommend that people with assertiveness problems should take an assertiveness inventory (49).
Four steps must be followed in an assertiveness inventory. First, an unassertive person should buy a blank notebook which will be used as an Assertiveness Training Notebook. Second, the person should make a list in the Assertiveness Training Notebook. Third, the person should answer the 23 questions which the authors list on pages 50 51 of their book. If the answer to any of these questions is "yes," "always,"...