Assertiveness Training

Don't Say Yes When You Want to Say No

This paper will analyze the book, Don't Say Yes When You Want to Say No by authors Herbert Fensterheim, Ph.D, and Jean Baer. The discussion will focus on some of the important techniques used in assertiveness training.

Author Jean Baer begins the book by sharing how she spent 18 years in an unpleasant job because she did not think that any other employer would hire her. After meeting her husband and co-author, Herbert Fensterheim, a clinical psychologist who specializes in behavior therapy, Baer explains that, by using her husband's behavioral therapy techniques, she learned how to be successfully self-employed and is no longer defensive when her friends say things like "Anybody could write the books you write, you just sit down and do them, that's all" (13-16). Thus, the premise of the book is that assertiveness training ("AT") is one of the most important forms of behavioral therapy.

According to the book, before any Assertiveness Training Techniques can be used, a person must first be aware of the different types of assertive difficulties. One common assertive difficulty arises when someone cannot distinguish between assertiveness and aggression (37). Moreover, some of the people who have problems with assertiveness are those with timid personalities, communication difficulties, behavioral deficits, interfering habits, or specific mental blocks (37-41). Thus, the authors recommend that people with assertiveness problems should

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as "I like what you said" or "I don't want you to . . . " (71). Another approach to Assertive Training is a little simpler. The book labels this "just saying no" (75). By just saying no, a person can prevent being exploited and building up feelings of resentment against the people who might otherwise exploit (77). Baer also points out how many of her patients are unhappy and depressed because they have no friends. Thus, Baer advises these patients to develop a satisfactory social network. A satisfactory social network can be achieved by considering varying types of social relationships, constantly changing the network, and by making sure that the network meets social needs (95). People with unsatisfactory social networks include loners, and men or women who live in social isolation. Other people who have unsatisfactory social networks include those who have only sporadic relationships with others, isolated couples, and people with personalities that are so barricaded that they cannot share intimate things. People who have barricaded personalities are capable of having enormous amounts of contact with others, but the contact with others never achieves an intimate level. Chapter 5 of the book presents techniques to help pe

Category: Psychology - A