avoidance is frequently cited as an example of communication breakdown between husband and wife. In his book, Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus, John Gray asks readers to consider that people often mistakenly believe or assume that if their partners love them they will understand their needs and behave in a certain way without being asked. Gray writes that this belief sets couples up for disappointment time and again as their expectations go unfulfilled. He adds this disappointment and the anger or resentment that can develop over time because of it seems to prevent couples from taking the time to communicate lovingly about their needs and about their differences (Gray, 199, 2).
Wifes often suggest that their husbands are unwilling to reveal their innermost feelings and vulnerabilities. Often, one spouse will be unable to voice their feelings and will express their unhappiness through behaviors such as ignoring their spouse, or at the very least being inattentive. Linda Roberts writing for Journal of Marriage & Family (2000) explains that hostile, contemptuous, or aggressive communication between partners is an obvious signal of a marriage that is in serious trouble. Distant behaviors including avoidance and withdrawal may be equally serious signs that a relationship is in serious trouble -- but these symptoms are often less easily noticed than the overt signals described above (Roberts, 2000, 693).
Whether a marriage is blissful or painful depends not only on how spouses handle the inevitable conflicts that arise, but also on how they respond to opportunities for to share their feelings. Jennifer S. Ripley and Everett L. Worthington writing in Journal of Counseling & Develop
...