Conversation is a behavior in which we all engage but which we rarely examine in spite of its importance. Conversation is the means by which we communicate with others, and it affects every other sort of behavior in which we engage, including our personal relations, our efforts in the workplace, and our commerce with various businesses. Linguists examine conversation from one standpoint, psychologists from another, and sociologists from still another, and all have valid points to make regarding how we communicate, what we communicate, and what processes are involved in the act of conversation. A close analysis of the elements of conversation can help us improve our own conversational skills. Such an analysis is offered by Deborah Tannen in her book That's Not What I Meant!, and some of her points are cogent and to the point while others are more questionable.
Tannen notes that our personal worlds are shaped by conversation with people we know and also in public with people we encounter in the course of a day. She notes that the nature of the exchanges we have during the day shapes the way we view life and our place in it, whether we see the world as a pleasant or a hostile place, and whether we believe we are doing well or not. She also notes that no matter how well intentioned we may be, we find ourselves involved in miscommunications because the methods by which we communicate are personal and not self-evident and logical. These miscommunications may be apparent to us, but more likely they are not:
A lot of seemingly inexplicable behavior--sings of coming closer or pulling back--occur because others react to our style of talking in ways that lead them to conclusions we never suspect. Many of our motives, so obvious to us, are never perceived by the people we talk to. Many instances of rudeness, stubbornness, inconsiderateness, or refusal to cooperate are really caused by differences in conversational style (Tannen 2...