dity; this protects the individualÆs ego, as well as justifying his or her behavior. The therapist who recognizes this and acknowledges the equal validity of both perspectives through specifically inclusionary language is more likely to keep both partners equally engaged in the process. Rather than using second or third person singular pronouns, the therapist needs to be consciously aware of using the second person plural: ôyou bothö may be the most useful phrase a therapist can employ.
If, for instance, a husband uses belittling language when describing his wifeÆs behavior, the therapist might ask if both husband and wife can recognize some examples (ôthe little woman,ö ôonly a housewife,ö ôsilly complaints,ö etc.) and help them both work toward acknowledging without blame the impact of what was probably unconscious behavior. Inclusive language helps the couple to recognize the equality of the relationship and the equal responsibility for improving interaction behaviors.
Weeks and Treat (2001) also discuss the balance of intensity in sessions (pp. 40-41
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