n cued everybody paying any attention to the fact that he was no blood relation, hence the presumption of bastardy. But denial will get you a long way down that road, and Candidn't believed himself to be the Sheikh's natural heir because he was just that dumb.
The Sheikh's household included many attractive individuals of dubious connections, brought there by his money, fame, and tendency to troll the Hollywood Strip in search of company. Among these was a beautiful girl named Cuneiform who was much taken with Candidn't. The Sheikh, however, had his eye on her for himself, though he was saving her for his birthday.
Meanwhile, he got around occasional inquiries from CFS officials about the underage members of his household by employing a tutor and telling them that Candidn't was being home-schooled. This so-called tutor, who went by the name of Dr. Painintheass, gave Candidn't a laptop with unlimited internet access and then spent his time in close "instruction" with the comely pool boy.
So when Cuneiform came upon one such lesson in progress, she took copious notes and then set out to enlighten Candidn't. Dropping her handkerchief before him got her nowhere. Realizing that the boy really was that stupid, she sighed mightily and then took things into her own hands. Candidn't rose to the occasion and proved an apt pupil, a fact which much dismayed the Sheikh, who stumbled on them and then tossed the boy's ass out into a Hollywood back alley one night, and thus was Candidn't introduced to the cold, cruel world.
CHAPTER 2 - WHAT BEFELL CANDIDN'T AMONG THE BAG LADIES
Candidn't roamed among the foreigners staring at the cement leavings and false glitter of the Boulevard and soon found himself deprived of the dollar ninety-eight he had once had in his pocket. Whereupon, a woman wearing far too many layers of coats for the pleasant weather took him to meet her countrywomen, enticing him to push her cart for ...