. One woman reported that other adults told her not to worry about her children, that they were resilient and would adjust to the situation. However, she indicated that when she talked to her children about their feelings, she found that their heartache was nearly overwhelming. They were in the grieving process, dealing with the loss that is most profound for children, the loss of a parent (Dreger, 1996). As is apparent from the preceding illustration about Nancy, children might also perceive this loss as abandonment and experience even more of a sense of abandonment if the custodial parent does not have sufficient time or emotional reserves to deal with their needs.
However, these impacts may indeed just be short-term effects if children are helped to adjust to the divorce process. Dreger (1996) reported a story about a young girl who experienced her parent's divorce as extremely traumatic until she talked to her grandfather. He told her about his own experience of losing his father to tuberculosis and having a sick mother at the same time. He noted that families often have to deal with difficult situations and crises, but that they can do that effectively. He also told her that he had been taken care of in that situation and she would, too. The girl indicated that this story helped her feel better about the situation and begin to make an adjustment to the divorce. While in the short term she did experience heartache, with its attendant grief, rage, pain, guilt, and depression, in seven years she had adjusted to the divorce and accepted it as one of those difficult situations that individuals, and families, have to cope with.
There are conflicting reports about the long-term effects of divorce on children. Some studies indicate that children eventually get over the trauma, and begin to return to normalcy. Other studies indicate that children are still suffering from the results of divorce into their adulthood, and