Alan Young is running for President. Born in Philadelphia and raised there through adulthood, he is deeply patriotic. Having walked the aged, foot and hoof worn cobblestone streets of Society Hill as a boy, his first impressions of the United States of America materialized in visions of the Liberty Bell and Independence Hall.
It is therefore the United States that holds Alan Young's steady gaze. His paramount concern as a legislator has been the economy of the United States, and he rejects the nation's role as a world policeman on all fronts, feeling that our attentions are more valued when they are directed nearly exclusively on our own welfare.
As a student at the University of Pennsylvania, Alan Young was an avid political theorist, testing his plans for the future of the union against the finest minds of the Political Science department. Upon graduating summa cum laude with a poly sci/international relations double major, Alan Young began his ascension to the presidency, winning over all he encountered with his vision of prosperity, a firm handshake, and a level gaze.
He is a married man, and his wife was Miss Illinois in 1982. He is 37 years old, and, should he be elected, would become the youngest president in our nation's history.
Ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to stand before you today. Let's get right to it. It will come as no surprise to those who are familiar with my politics that I, should I become president, plan to commit fully to the task of raising the bar of our economic well-being. The crux of this endeavor is simple: I have in the past, and will continue to do in the future, put America's domestic needs first.
I was, like many of you, reared in the 60s and 70s, a time of strife, war, and disenchantment. And yet I did, like so many of you, divine a sense of optimism from those days. Optimism and purpose.
I hold the firm conviction today that the United States cannot and sho...