she perceived to be her own failure in life caused her to amplify Gina's carefully-caged response so that it felt to Sara like an attack. This defensive listening, stemming from her own feeling of being out of control of her life, led her to respond to Gina by prompting, ôWhat are you saying?ö
From Sara's hostile tone and counterfeit, rather than sincere question, Gina recognized that Sara was ambushing. It was as if Sara was waiting for the ôother shoe to fall,ö waiting for Gina to say something negatively critical so Sara could leap to her own defense. With her interpersonal savvy, Gina noticed right away that Sara had been selectively listening, filtering Gina's suggestion, which Gina had merely meant as helpful advising response, through Sara's own insecurities. By relying on insulated listening, rather than extending herself to learn from Gina's suggestion, Sara was attributing negative emotion to the comment that was not intended. Rather than feeling respected and valued as a team member who was offering advice that came from years of experience,
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